Every time I go back home to St. Louis, I can never stay in the house. I always feel like I'm obliged to get out and do something. No one is forcing me, rather my own thoughts forcing me to "believe" that this is my break and I "deserve" to go have fun...or whatever. Only problem is, that "fun" is something I know I shouldn't entertain. I'm not out committing crimes are causing havoc somewhere, nothing like that (and also not saying that one sin is worse than the other), but just the environments I tend to place myself in. This past Memorial Day Weekend, I only went back to St. Louis with INTENTIONS of going to a friend's wedding, but wound up finding other things to do around the city. Although I am not oppose to drinking (not to get inebriated of course), but just for the social aspect, my tolerance level for alcohol is a lot lower than I thought and I fell victim to half of a can of a Margarita in a Can.
I felt bad the rest of the night, mentally and physically. I was not necessarily "drunk" but I did feel the alcohol through my system and although my intentions were NOT to gain any type of "mind-altering" feelings from that can, it happened anyway. I gave up drinking for the "drunken" aspect some months ago and have been doing a good job sticking to my word, up until this weekend at least. The people I were around were drinking, so of course to be social, I took it upon myself to grab a can . That is where my problem lies. I fell victim to my environment without the intentions of necessarily blending in, but it happened anyway. I remember my Pastor at last week's bible study saying that how can God notice me, when I'm blending in with the rest of the world? That's real. I wish I could have kept that in mind this past weekend, but all is done and all I can do now is repent and pray that the desire to live by the ways of the world continues to die.