Church this past sunday was amazing. God definitely showed up and showed out that. Bible study last night was amazing as well.He talked about the steps of Christian Formation: intentions of having Christ like characters from the inside out. I felt his presence and I felt amazing after leaving church both days. I feel amazing after leaving church anytime I go. The only problem with that is, the other five days when I am not sitting in between the four walls of Urban Empowerment and getting the word, the fire inside of me slowly but surely dies out. Don't get me wrong. I love God; I praise him every morning and everynight, with several praises in between the day; I'm even starting to make time to read the word a lot more often. But as the fire dies, I find it so easy for outside factors to distract me; I become easily angered over things that I pray will no longer affect me; I put God's will on the back-burner because I THINK school and my job are what's important for RIGHT NOW. I feel like I can just re-up on Sunday and Wednesday so I will be fine. I've felt this way for a long time, but I know that is beyond wrong.
Even without a word from Bishop or Pastor and even when I'm not sitting in Urban Empowerment, I always want to be overly excited for God. I have so many "God Be Knowing" moments for me not to always be excited. I am aware of this bad habit and I am constantly praying for the desire to always seek him first and praise him every waking moment; constantly praying that I always put God ahead of school and work no matter how important it may SEEM; constantly praying that even as a mother, I always seek my father in helping me with my relationship with my child. I want to be on fire for him. I see people who have this joyous aura around them when I see them; everytime I see them. I know its real. I want that aura. I want people to sense God in me and working its way out. Yesterday's bible study talked about how not to be concerned about looking and acting like a Christian, but actually being one. Transforming your ways to have Christ like characters from the inside out. That's what I want. That's what I desire.