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That is basically where I am at right now. Well technically, at this very moment, and bored beyond my mind but overall, I just wrapped up an internship in Columbia, MO where it has literally been just Addyson and I. It’s not like I am not familiar to this; I was here last summer with Addyson taking 9 credit hours but this summer is different.

I felt God tugging on my heartstrings even last summer, but I was too caught up in myself to give it any attention. Don’t get me wrong… I have always loved God and always took time out to pray…but what I wanted was all I was worried about last summer.

1)   I was taking 12 credit hours last summer, which then turned into 9 (What was I thinking) but I would always boast about it as if to get a pat on the back for my accomplishment.

2)   My 21st birthday would soon be arriving and I was highly anticipating it.

3)   I was worried about completing my classwork at home knowing Addyson needed my attention, but yet had time to entertain a lot of foolery.

4)   I was always on highway 70 to get to St. Louis to find something to get into because I was bored in Como….

See what I mean…it was all these “I’s” and “My’s”. God found a way to isolate me last summer in Columbia but I wasn’t prepared for the transformation that would be coming…hence, this summer’s isolation. Before I get there…

I would notice that different things would always happen with me in comparison to the crowd I was with. I’m just about the youngest out of my closest friends, give or take two others, so everyone else turned 21 before me. I made sure I gave my closest friends a gift, flowers, cards, or may have even paid for their meal. If I was lucky, I was able to participate in the 21+ festivities. Then it got around to my 21st birthday. It was on a Wednesday and I had to work and had class in Columbia, so technically, I spent it here. That weekend I went home, anticipating a weekend full of pure foolery that I thought my “friends” had all planned out for me. Boy was I wrong.

People would cancel on me left and right and my closets friends were not interested in going out but didn’t want to tell me. So there I was…frustrated, upset, confused…like “I live in Columbia and I come home excited about my birthday and no one is interested in celebrating with me!” I even had intentions on going to a club with my brother but ended up leaving my ID in my pants pocket at. God works in ultra mysterious ways.

 

What I felt last year was that my “friends” were selfish deliberately set out to ruin my birthday. I remained bitter for a very long time. Shoot…. I think I’m just now getting over it. But I digress….

What I’m getting at is, that was all God’s doing—not my assumption that my “friends” were being inconsiderate. God knew I didn’t have any business partaking in anything I had intended on partaking in. Gambling (I went but lost $2 so I quit), drinking (I was inebriated that Friday night but went back home), sex (Didn’t have any intentions but at that point in my life, the idea wasn’t far-fetched). Everything my flesh wanted to do had failed me because God saw fit that I didn’t do those things.

[Ever find yourself in an environment or around certain people and all you can think is “I don’t belong here.You try to force yourself to stay but it is just that feeling in the pit of your stomach that doesn’t sit well with you. It is there for a reason. Your purpose is deeper than your present state.]

As of now, I am in Columbia again this summer BUT my intentions were to be back in St. Louis. I was looking for internship after internship in St. Louis but either I never got word back or got denied after an interview. God didn’t want me in St. Louis this summer. He knew exactly where to place me. #OperationIsolation

It has literally just been Addyson and I—all summer—no babysitter or anything (outside of daycare). On top of that, my internship was unpaid. So I was enduring a no income, lonely summer. It’s not as bad as I am making it out to be, considering I understand the reason behind it.

This summer I have grown extremely close to God. This past March I returned my body back to Jesus by becoming Celibate (another blog post) and joined a church. I made the choice to give up alcohol at the beginning of the year but have had a few slip ups here and there (I have repented). I have taken action. I’ve been humbled at the fact of no-income BUT I have not NEEDED for anything. My rent is always taken care of, even if it is last minute and my bills have been paid…even at the VERY last minute. Gas is still in my car and even though Addyson daycare is always late, they get theirs too. I haven’t shopped, haven’t been to the movies, haven’t been out to eat, haven’t been to the hairdresser (well…once I think). All the luxuries I am used to haven’t been available to me this summer—but I am okay with that.

God made sure that I increased my faith in him that I am 100% he will take care of all my needs….and he has. I’ve been attending bible study and church routinely (this time last year I couldn’t say the same). I don’t have the same desires to go to parties, bars, and the likes. Couldn’t say the same for this time last year either.

I needed this isolation. I thank him for this isolation. I praise him for this isolation. I may be bored, but I am not lonely. God will do whatever it takes to get his time with you. It takes some people to experience a MAJOR eye opener in order for God to get his time; luckily, I am able to get subtle cues.

*Side note: My phone went haywire last night so I took that time I would usually be on Twitter to catch up on Genesis and read some other Christian blogs. God WILL get his time.

Take it from me. Whenever you are feeling lonely or feel you have too much idle time, which is not a coincidence. God wants his time with you. We have time for reality TV, Twitter, OT at work that we WANT and don’t NEED, the club….you catch my drift. He wants his time. It’s the LEAST we could do. It isn’t easy, but well worth it. Let me wrap this up. My Man is waiting on me to tell him about my day :) 

 


Comments

Quitta
08/02/2012 6:01am

I told you girl...this is EXACTLY how I feel at times. We can only know that the outcome will outweigh the sacrifices...(if you even wanna call them that. since we probably shouldnt be doing them in the first place!)

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