As I stated in my previous blog posting, I am currently dealing with managing my emotions. I am learning that I am in a season of maturity and self-control—when you ask God to help you work on areas of your life, he does it. It hurts when you go through growing pains…it really does. Often times when we are being tested to develop our character, we think it is the devil when it is really God just answering requests. We ask for an abundance of faith, he places us in a situation to where we can’t do anything but have faith that all will be okay. We ask for patience, he places us in a situation to where we have no choice but to be patient. It hurts! Along with Christ-like characters that I am praying for, I am also praying for the strength to endure the season.

Not to divulge too much in what is exactly going on with me (to respect the privacy of the other person—blah blah blah), I am still enduring the hard ships of single-parenthood. As many single mothers—well single parents (don’t want to single out the fathers who are active, especially considering I plan to work with single fathers) – we go through times where we have these expectations. Expectations that the non-custodial parent is supposed to hold the same weight of responsibility of our kids like we do. When things do not happen as such, meaning we find ourselves doing any and everything for our child in the VOLUNTARY absence of the other parent, we grow frustrated. Frustrated, resentful, impatient, intolerable, non-understanding, petty—we (I) let our (my) emotions get the best of us (me).

I have days where I think I accepted the fact that I am a single mother – that I will be in the season of single parenthood until God says otherwise. In those days I go about my business like usual. Wake up, get Addy to daycare, go to school and/or work, pick Addy up, do my motherly duties, go to bed, and wake up and do it all over again. It has become routine. I am used to it being just her and I. Then there are days that I reflect on how I got into this situation. I reflect on how I didn’t create her by myself but it seems as though I did. I find myself questioning God’s decision to make me her sole caregiver and asking, “why can’t ___ just get his act together and help me with our child?” I grow angry; I feel resentment dwelling inside of me. Even a little bit of unforgiveness after I clearly stated I forgive him. Sigh

These are days I need to be knee-deep in prayer. That is the season I am enduring now. I am letting my emotions get the best of me…interfering my growing process of inheriting Christ like characters. I find myself saying things that I know I will be apologetic for immediately after—even during. I find myself thinking thoughts I know I will be repenting for immediately after. Feeling things that are not of him…going back to the way I used to be and letting my spirit take a back seat to my flesh.

It is so easy to be the smaller person…in this case I really really really really want to be the smaller person. I just want to be petty. It is so much that I am on the cusp of saying, but I have come too far to revert back to the old Alana. If you are reading this, please keep me in your prayers. This may not seem like a serious issue to you…but animosity and resentment are very toxic and can harden hearts. I am praying to do the opposite. When I say I forgive, I want to mean it no matter what happens…now and forever.


07/23/2012 7:47am

I'm praying with you mama! Hang in there ur doin good! "Be not weary in WELL doing, you SHaLL reap if you don't loose heart". Love you

07/23/2012 7:55am

Thanks love! This season is definitely a trial for me..but I will get through it!

ShayBooboosha Keyshia Cole Cotton
07/23/2012 8:05am

Just remember that on the third day he rose with da pow in His hands.


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