Being in my first "relationship" at the age of 16, I had the immature mentality that if I did everything on my part of the relationship, then all would be fine. As many young-minded females do. When dealing with guys that we are "involved" with, we hold them to the standard that we hold to ourselves. "I text you when I make it home so how come you dont?" When I go shopping, I think to buy you something to...how come you dont?" Real petty stuff like that. I'm sure most of us women have been there and you probably just got a sense of embarrassment as you reminisced.

Then there is the whole loyalty thing. People feel obliged to remain "loyal" to their "partner" or those they have known for a very long time because after all, length of friendship measures your obligation to others- that makes perfectly good sense (-____-). Many times we get caught up in the idea that humans have obligations over others. That we should remain "loyal" and "faithful" when majority of the time- the situation that the "relationship" was founded on is all wrong anyway. 

1) Your friend's man/woman is "cheating" and you know about it. It is NOT your OBLIGATION to include yourself in such gossip to run back and tell your friend. That's not your position-that is God's place.
2) Your friend is involved in something that you know is wrong. Y'all are super close and feel "obliged" to join when they ask to remain loyal-NO! Your friend has no control over your salvation. Your friend is human just like you. #NeverForget
3) Those with kids (THIS IS ONE THAT I HAD TO GRASP) Yes the idea of being with the person you have children with-whether married or out-of-wedlock- is something you want to become reality. I mean that's how it's "supposed" to be right. Biological parents and children. (I guess this is more for the singles) Stop trying to force something that is not there. Yes I wanted the whole "family" outlook but the more I pushed for it, the more it became worse. It isn't meant to be. You could be doing everything right-good parent, good partner, good cook- but if it isn't God's plan for y'all to be together, he will personally intervene to end it. 

I guess #3 can apply to many people in "relationships." Often times we enter relationships with marriage standards and ideals and that only leads to failure and disappointment. You're not married. One thing I have learned when it comes to investing time in people and deciding who to spend time with (because I am not in a relationship), I pray before I make decisions. I no longer base my decisions off of attraction, feelings, or emotions. All of these things are temporary conditions. All three can fade. I want something that will last, and the only way I can obtain that is if God sets it up for me and I follow his lead. If being single for a while before this happens is what I must go through, then so be it.

Don't get me wrong...being single sucks at times-a lot of times. Sometimes I want the enjoyment of male company..but I refuse to invest in something that isn't purposed for me. No matter how tall, dark, handsome (you catch my drift). I also want to get to the point that if I am one of those who God has purposed for me to remain single that I am comfortable with it being just me and God- (but I'm praying whole-heartedly that God has someone for me..just sayin).

Feelings and emotions can lead you astray. Let go of the wheel and let him take over. It could be a scary thought giving over rights of your life to someone else but ultimately, everything is in His hands and He has the final say so. The relationship you are in may not be the one God has purposed for you. Pray on it--He'll let you know.
 


Ebony Brown
07/02/2012 11:50am

I can totally relate to this and as soon as I let go of these ideals God has truly blessed me with the most wonderful help mate in the making lolz

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Larry Hutson
07/06/2012 4:23pm

As always, you are doing an amazing job with this Alana. I am so honored to be watching you grow and growing with you in Christ!

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