This will probably be one of my shorter postings but I just had to let y'all know how weak this man is! I'ma stop calling him "man" too because he doesn't even deserve that title. He who I am speaking of is the enemy (its gonna stay in lower-case). He really been trying to get me y'all. He knows I've been growing in my relationship with my man (God), and he's mad so he's trying to intervene. Have you ever noticed whenever God is ordering your steps and things are going right, here comes the enemy trying to impose on your blessing? You have to be aware and smart enough to block his advances because he can be slick. This what he did this morning.

(1) I wake up to two missed text messages from my ex—— enemy think he slick. Just gone ahead and put that phone back down.
(2) I'm driving to take Addy to daycare this morning and my radio was playing Robin Thick new song All Tied Up. I love me some Robin Thick but it is a sexually suggestive song. I couldn't turn it off though! *sigh*
(3) Immediately after that song went off, Silk song Can We Make Love and then right after that was Avant Makin Love. I had to change the station after that because the enemy KNOW that those are/were my jams and for it to be playing in consecutive order like it was...nobody but the enemy!

It is humorous and some may even think this is a waste of a post, but let me inform you as to why I felt this as important. Being on this journey of celibacy (I will have a blog post about this too) it is hard! When we hear sexually suggestive songs (thats what my itunes mostly consisted of) it can create thoughts that do not belong in your head. Of course I am not acting on the thoughts but they are still there. Especially songs that are "my song."

You have to place yourself in environments that are conducive in your walk with Christ. At bible study, Bishop was just talking about how we know our weak areas. Specifically he says, "YOU KNOW WHERE YOU WEAK AT! WHY WOULD YOU PURPOSELY PLACE YOURSELF IN SITUATIONS THAT YOU KNOW YOU GONE FALL!" My sentiments exactly. Sexual immorality is one of the many demons I have been delivered from and I want to keep it that way. Yes I love Robin Thick, Silk, and Avant, but I know it's no good for this lifestyle. Sometimes you just have to change the station....literally and metaphorically. 

Anytime the enemy tries to come at you...just keep telling him how WEAK he is! Always works for me.

If I thoroughly tell the whole back story, I will get lost in my tangent just as you would so I am going to try to keep it brief. I've mentioned several times how I really want to work with single fathers and hopefully open up a non profit offering resources to single fathers. Not only is that my passion but I received confirmation that that is also my purpose.

Over the course of these past couple of months, things have been aligning in order for me and I do not believe in coincidences. I cannot emphasize that enough. It all began here.

(1) When changing my major to Communication two years ago, the goal was to pursue Public Relations in the entertainment field. I always felt like it was an interesting field and would love to work in it. That desire slowly but surely died.
(2) It wasn't until this past semester when I took a class called Argument and Advocacy. Our final paper was on a topic of our choice that we would advocate for. I chose Single Father Advocacy. After a semester of research, stress, and frustration, it opened my eyes to a lot of things I didn't know before and that was when the passion began to develop.
(3) My internship for the summer, ParentLink, is just one of the many confirmations I received in this short amount of time that working with fathers is my purpose. I started off as a student/parent going there to complete homework, to volunteering, to working for a summer, back to a student/parent & volunteer, now I'm an intern. I've developed relationships with the people there and I'm learning so much. And to think, this wasn't the internship I started with this summer. I was interning for a magazine for two weeks and was very unhappy. I gave them a letter of resignation and started at ParentLink two days later. Now in love.
(4) Since being at ParentLink, I'e networked with people that God purposely had me meet that will further help my purpose. I met a girl who works with at risk youth in which some are young parents, and I will be volunteering with them this upcoming semester. (b) I made the decision to go to grad school and although I didn't want to stay at Mizzou, I feel as though that is what God wants me to do. Throughout the semester, I work with advisors at the Department of Arts and Science. One of the advisors just got hired at the grad program I want to apply to as a recruiter for admissions. I just met with her last friday. (c) Just yesterday, I met a lady who works with at risk youth and inner city individuals. She was also a young and single parent. What was supposed to be a 20 minute conversation to recruit some of her kids for the camp the ParentLink is having, turned into a 90 minute discussion. She has so many resources that could work for my benefit its ridiculous. I told her as well if she ever needs any volunteers for anything she is doing, I would love to help. She works with many single fathers as well. (d) Also yesterday, my boss wanted me to stay longer at my internship to meet a man she was having a meeting with to discuss keeping the Cub Hub open. (Cub Hub is where student/parents go to have their children watched for free while they are in the other room studying) Anytime someone comes in the office, she wants to introduce me to them so I didn't think anything of it. Well this man was the Vice Provost for Graduate Studies who wants to meet with me about coming to Mizzou for grad school and discuss many fellowship opportunities. That was my last and final confirmation about where to go for school, seeing as I've been praying for a word to either stay here or go back home. I cried when he walked out the room because I was overwhelmed at how amazing God is. These aren't coincidences.

I realized that God doesn't want me to fulfill my own desires then ask him for help. Each day I pray for him to kill my flesh and push out my own desires to make room for his will. I want my passion and desires to align with his, not the other way around. I once wanted to work with entertainers, caught up in a lifestyle I thought I would want to have. God ordered my steps to do something he saw fit for my life. So many doors are opening for me and it is amazing. Often times beyond words. When you kill your flesh each day, as hard as it is, and pray that he shows you your purpose- when it happens.....it's a mouth dropping occassion. Trust me! Thank you God! You are so amazing! #GodBeKnowing

            “So what is keeping you from fully committing to God?”- I remember getting asked this question not too long ago. I thought about and didn’t have an answer- still don’t. That’s because there is no legit answer to NOT commit to God and whole-heartedly live for him; To be protected under his grace; To be forever grateful and ever praising for him keeping us from things that could very well have put us six feet under- it seems so simple, like common sense. As we all know, common sense isn’t very common- at all.

Then I often think, are the temptations of the world really that powerful to keep me from fully submitting? Is the enemy just that clever? Just the very thought of those questions make me want to immediately say NO. But really, when I reflect on my life and the decisions that I’ve made, I still have YET to fully commit.

I’m young; I like attending social events (gatherings, parties, etc) like the next person; I involve myself in frivolous gossip for pure entertainment; I entertain my ears with music that probably should be deleted off of my ITunes; I have a serious addiction to my cell phone, like I’m always checking it; I can be selfish quite often, even when it comes to my own child; I put too much weight on other people’s opinions (I care too much what others think of me); I can go on and on and on. The crazy thing is, one by one, I never thought all of these things were that serious of an issue to keep me from living the will of God. But that’s just it! No matter how small or how petty we think things are, God views it completely different. Stealing candy from a store is the same as car theft to God; Not sharing something with someone who asks is the same as doing more things for yourself than with God (selfishness) to God.

Our human minds can never grasp what God has in store for us. That is the whole purpose of faith. If I’m really that strong in my faith and belief in God, how come I haven’t given him complete and utter control of my life?

If me attending certain events that aren’t in the best interest of what God wants me to do then, I pray for deliverance from that. If certain people I hang around are not conducive to the purpose God has for my life, then I pray for deliverance from that. If my cell phone is hindering my time with God, then I pray for deliverance from that. If my chasing $ (which is the ROOT to all evil) is keeping me from fully enjoying life that God has destined for me to do, then I pray for deliverance from that as well as an abundance of faith that ALL of my needs will be met just as you promised. If me partaking in petty gossip is keeping me from hearing your voice in what to entertain and what not to entertain, then I pray for deliverance from that. If MYSELF is what is keeping me from fully committing, then I pray for deliverance from that.

These prayers may seem foolish to some, but only those who have and yearn to have an established relationship with Christ will fully understand the goal I am trying to obtain. Ultimately, HE is the only person that I have to answer to when it all ends. I’m just praying for an over abundance of faith to fully submit before that day comes. Pray for me, as I will pray for y’all.

                        
                                                                                                                      Amen

In recognition of Father's Day, that was the title of yesterday's sermon and it was simply AMAZING! Bishop took the time to acknowledge all the Father's that were of attendance yesterday, young and old. All of them flooded the alter and took an oath, declaration rather, to be the best father/man that God has destined for them to be. Just seeing all those strong, beautiful black man in abundance almost brought a tear to my eye.

You praise God every morning you wake up- whether it be a brief Twitter posting stating how you thank God for waking you or literally get on your knees and verbally say "Thank you for waking me God- and go about your day. You get yourself dressed for whatever tasks you have set out for yourself to do today. Today is all about YOU. YOU know what all YOU want to do; all YOUR desires YOU want to fulfill. Have you ever took the time to think that maybe the things YOU want to do, God has a completely different plan for you? Especially if you have enough knowledge to know that whatever you are pursuing is not approving of God. You may be deceived at your own success. You may be overly successful at something that is disapproving to God. What is success in an area that means absolutely nothing? You are so caught up in your self that you may never take the time to acknowledge that this isn't God's purpose for your life. (When I say YOU and YOUR, I am including myself as well). 

I spoke about my #GodBeKnowing moments in a previous post but you may not have caught it. Basically I say God Be Knowing when something happens to me that most would consider a coincidence. I don't believe in coincidences. When things like this happen, I know it's only him that could have made it happen because HE KNOWS! 

My #GodBeknowing moment for today just happened a few hours ago. For many who know me, I've discussed my passion with them. My passion is to work with single fathers. I love mentoring young mothers and showing them that life isn't over after a baby. I know a lot of single mothers, and although I love helping them, single fathers need much more help. They don't have many resources and their isn't a lot of information on them...at all. I get the same surprised look everytime I have this discussion. After writing a 15 page paper on single father advocacy, I found my passion for wanting to help with fathers who WANT to be active with their children but situations (the courts, the mother, etc) doesn't work in their favor. I want to help.

While at my internship, I met a girl today who works with at risk youth. Parentlink, my internship, is hosting a camp called THRIVE for 12-16 to teach them how to live a healthy lifestyle and the lady I met will be sending over the at risk youth that she works with. She explained to me that a lot of the boys there have kids but do not have custody of them. That is right up my alley and the perfect audience for me! She wants to start her own non profit to work with at risk youth and I want to start a non profit to work with single fathers. PERFECT MATCH! I will also be volunteering there soon! I'm so grateful for us to have crossed paths so our passions can intertwine. When your goals line up with God's purpose for your life, he will have you meet people and open doors for you that will bring that passion to life. You will know that it is no one but God that is making this happen for you. Now all I have to do is gather the courage to take this GRE for grad school and I'm on my way :) God I Love You! You be knowing!!!!!

Last May, my mom sent me a link to a scholarship that she wanted me to apply for. The theme of the scholarship was to write a 1500 word (or less) essay describing when you found out the true meaning of Love. I contemplated for a minute because I wasn't really sure whenever I really "found out" the true meaning, but as I started writing, it just started to come to me. The letter goes as follows......

Church this past sunday was amazing. God definitely showed up and showed out that. Bible study last night was amazing as well.He talked about the steps of Christian Formation: intentions of having Christ like characters from the inside out. I felt his presence and I felt amazing after leaving church both days. I feel amazing after leaving church anytime I go. The only problem with that is, the other five days when I am not sitting in between the four walls of Urban Empowerment and getting the word, the fire inside of me slowly but surely dies out. Don't get me wrong. I love God; I praise him every morning and everynight, with several praises in between the day; I'm even starting to make time to read the word a lot more often. But as the fire dies, I find it so easy for outside factors to distract me; I become easily angered over things that I pray will no longer affect me; I put God's will on the back-burner because I THINK school and my job are what's important for RIGHT NOW. I feel like I can just re-up on Sunday and Wednesday so I will be fine. I've felt this way for a long time, but I know that is beyond wrong.